#because like.... she keeps having vision in ways
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halfmoonaria · 1 day ago
Text
change of plans
pairing: tara carpenter & female reader
summary: tara was going to take care of it—end things for good—but nothing went the way she planned.
word count: 9.6k
warnings: dark themes, murder intent, violence, strong language, intrusive thoughts, implied stalking.
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Tara didn't think she was a jealous person.
She was sure of it, actually.
Jealousy wasn't something she dealt with, at least not in the same way other people did. She told herself she wasn't the type to stew over what someone else had or waste time feeling resentful.
But looking back, there were moments—small, fleeting ones—that didn't quite fit the version of herself she liked to believe in.
When she was little, the first spark of that unfamiliar emotion would hit when someone snatched a toy out of her hands. It wasn't sadness or disappointment—it was sharper, hotter, and before she even realized what she was doing, she'd yank the toy back, sometimes with enough force to send the other kid stumbling.
She didn't mean to hurt them, not really, but the instinct to make things fair—or at least fair by her standards—was too strong to ignore.
Her teachers called it "trouble controlling her temper." Her mom called it a "phase." But it kept happening.
There was the time in first grade when another girl in her class got to play the fairy princess during dress-up. Tara had been stuck with the frog costume.
She'd sulked in the corner, watching the other girl twirl around in sparkly wings, until something inside her snapped. The girl didn't see it coming when Tara stomped up, grabbed the glittery wand, and broke it clean in two.
She didn't even regret it until she was sitting in the principal's office with her mom glaring at her from across the room.
By the time she was nine, Tara had lost count of how many times she'd been dragged to the teacher's office. Sometimes it was for yanking a classmate's hair after they showed off a new toy she didn't have. Other times, it was for shoving someone too hard during recess when she thought they were bragging about something they shouldn't have.
Her teachers always asked the same question: "Why did you do it, Tara?"
She never had a good answer.
Her mom tried everything—calming techniques, time-outs, grounding her from TV or playdates—but none of it worked.
The truth was, Tara didn't know why it bothered her so much when someone else got what she wanted. All she knew was that the feeling burned in her chest, hot and heavy, until she had to do something to let it out.
She couldn't pinpoint what the feeling was, not even as she got older—when she was supposed to be able to handle her emotions better, to control the bursts of anger and the bubbling rage that seemed to come out of nowhere.
It wasn't jealousy though. She was sure of that.
Jealousy felt petty, childish, like something people dealt with in middle school when they saw someone else wearing the same pair of shoes but in a better color. Tara wasn't petty, and she definitely wasn't childish. At least, that's what she told herself every time the heat rose to her face, her fists clenched so tight her nails dug into her palms, and her vision blurred with that same fiery haze she'd felt since kindergarten.
It didn't make sense to call it jealousy. Jealousy implied weakness, didn't it? Like you couldn't be happy for someone else because you wanted what they had. Tara didn't think she wanted what anyone else had—she just hated the idea that they had it at all.
She didn't think it was anywhere close to jealousy—not until Chad broke up with her.
At first, all she felt was heartbreak, raw and overwhelming, the kind of sadness that made her chest feel hollow and heavy all at once. There was anger too, bubbling beneath the surface, but she pushed it down, unwilling to let him see that part of her. Tara told herself that staying calm was the only way to keep control of the situation, even as she listened to him try to explain himself.
He had said he didn't feel the same anymore, that something between them had changed. He wasn't sure when it had happened, but he no longer felt the love they once had. His voice had been quiet, hesitant, as if he didn't want to hurt her more than he already was. He told her it wasn't her fault, that she'd been a great girlfriend and that he still cared about her.
The words sounded like they should've been comforting, but they weren't. They only made her feel worse. Love didn't just disappear, did it? And if it did, what did that say about her? She couldn't wrap her head around how everything could change so quickly, how something that had seemed so solid could slip through her fingers without warning.
For days after the breakup, she replayed his words in her mind, searching for some clue, some sign she might have missed. The sadness lingered, a constant ache she couldn't shake, and when the anger flared, she shoved it back down where it belonged. It wouldn't change anything, and it wouldn't bring him back.
At first, she thought heartbreak was all she'd have to contend with. But then, as the days stretched into weeks, another feeling began to creep in—something darker, sharper, and impossible to ignore.
That dark, sharper, and impossible-to-ignore feeling had only grown worse. In fact, it had become unbearable when she saw Chad a few weeks later.
With you.
She hadn't been prepared for it. In hindsight, maybe she should've been. They had gone to the same school—it had only been a matter of time before she ran into him again. But Tara hadn't expected him to look so... fine. Like nothing had happened. Like breaking up with her hadn't fazed him in the slightest. And she especially hadn't expected to see him with someone else.
You had been standing next to him near the lockers, your body slightly turned toward his as you spoke. She hadn't been able to hear what you were saying, but whatever it had been, it had made him laugh. That same, familiar laugh that had once been hers to hear.
Her chest had tightened, the weight of it pressing down on her like a physical force. It had been the first time she had seen him since the breakup, and heartbreak hadn't been what she had felt then. No, it had been something else entirely. It had been hot and all-consuming, curling its way through her like wildfire.
Her gaze had locked on the way you had reached out, your fingers briefly brushing his arm as you spoke. It had been such a casual, effortless gesture, but to Tara, it had felt deliberate. She had clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms as she had struggled to steady her breathing.
She hadn't wanted to look at you. She hadn't wanted to acknowledge the way your presence, your closeness to Chad, had made her feel. But she hadn't been able to tear her eyes away.
It hadn't been fair. Chad wasn't supposed to move on so quickly. He wasn't supposed to look this happy, not when she had still been trying to piece herself back together. And you—God, you hadn't been supposed to be so... perfect. So at ease, standing there with him like you had belonged.
Tara's stomach had churned, a bitter taste rising in her throat. The feeling bubbling inside her had been almost painfully familiar, a twisted echo of the jealousy she had felt as a child.
She could still remember the heat of it, the way it had burned through her tiny body when someone had gotten the last cookie in class or taken the swing she had wanted on the playground.
Back then, her jealousy had been wild and unrestrained, often spilling out as anger—pushing, hitting, shouting until someone had intervened.
But this hadn't been the same. She wasn't a kid anymore, and she had known better than to lash out. And yet, the anger had simmered beneath the surface, waiting for her to slip, to let it spill over.
Her jaw had tightened as she had forced herself to look away, her fists clenching at her sides. Chad hadn't been hers anymore, she had reminded herself, no matter how much she had wanted him to be.
She hadn't had the right to feel this way, to be so consumed by jealousy over someone who had clearly moved on.
But knowing that hadn't made it stop. The jealousy had still been there, sharp and unrelenting, twisting inside her like a knife.
It had dug in deeper with every passing day, lodging itself in a part of her she didn't know how to reach, let alone remove.
It didn't help that Tara knew exactly who you were. Of course she did—everyone in Woodsboro seemed to know everyone.
The town was too small for anyone to go unnoticed, their business too easily whispered about or pieced together.
She had known who you were since kindergarten, though, in moments like these, it felt like a cruel twist of fate that you hadn't been one of the kids she'd shoved in a fit of childish rage.
Maybe if you had been, she wouldn't feel so powerless now. She could have at least claimed to have gotten her frustration out once, a long time ago. But no. You had been one of the few to escape her younger wrath, and somehow that made this worse.
It wasn't just that, though. Tara couldn't think about you without hearing her mother's voice in the back of her mind, muttering something about how she wished Tara were "more like you."
Her mother said things like that about plenty of kids, especially when Tara landed herself in trouble at school. But the way she spoke about you had always felt different—like she meant it.
You were polite, diligent, the kind of kid parents liked to hold up as an example. Tara had hated it back then, hearing those comparisons tossed her way whenever she acted out. Now, remembering it made her blood boil.
You weren't a stranger to her. Not really. How could you be when Wes had spent all of middle school hopelessly infatuated with you? His crush had been embarrassingly obvious, even to people who weren't paying attention.
Tara remembered the way he'd stumble through his sentences whenever you so much as glanced in his direction. How he'd linger near your locker as though working up the courage to say something, only to turn red and scurry off when Amber caught him at it.
Amber had loved teasing him for it. She'd nudge his arm and whisper loud enough for everyone to hear, calling him love-struck and pitiful. And Tara? She'd roll her eyes and laugh right along with her.
She hadn't understood the appeal back then. Sure, you were nice. Polite, from what people said. But to Tara, you'd just been another person in the hallways, someone she could name but not care much about. Wes's hopeless pining had been little more than background noise to her.
But now... now that memory left a bitter taste in her mouth.
Not that she'd ever had a real problem with you. If anything, she'd been indifferent toward you all these years. You were nice, she supposed. Everyone said so, and it wasn't hard to believe.
You dressed well enough to stand out without trying too hard, cared enough about your grades to keep them respectable, and generally managed to avoid any kind of trouble. There wasn't much about you that people could complain about.
Tara hadn't spoken to you much. Maybe a couple of times, when group projects forced you together or when politeness demanded it. But it had never gone beyond that, never lingered in a way that mattered. You were a passing presence, just one of the many faces she'd seen over the years, easily forgotten once you were out of sight.
At least, that was how it used to be.
Now, it felt like you were everywhere. And worse, you weren't just a face in the crowd anymore. You were always laughing, always smiling, always looking so damn perfect. And you weren't alone. You were with Chad. His arm slung around your shoulders like you were his.
And that, Tara couldn't ignore.
You were with her Chad. Her boyfriend.
Or at least, that's what her mind insisted on calling him, despite the breakup. Despite everything. He was still hers. He had to be. There was no way he wasn't, not when she could still feel the ghost of his hand in hers, not when her chest tightened every time she thought about him laughing at something you said. It wasn't right. It didn't feel right.
You didn't belong under his arm like that. You didn't belong anywhere near him.
Tara's jaw clenched as the image burned itself deeper into her memory: the way his arm had draped over your shoulders so effortlessly, like it was the most natural thing in the world. It wasn't. It couldn't be. That spot was hers—had been hers for so long that seeing anyone else there made her stomach twist with something jagged and unbearable.
And it didn't help that you didn't even look good there. Not to her, anyway. You didn't fit the way she did. You didn't mold into his side like you belonged there, not like she had. Chad was tall, broad-shouldered, and Tara had always thought they looked balanced together. She'd fit neatly under his arm, a perfect complement to his size and presence. You? You just looked... wrong.
At least, that's what she told herself as her eyes lingered on you for too long, darting between the way you smiled at him and the way he smiled back at you.
Her chest tightened further, the edges of her jealousy sharpening with every second.
She tried to tell herself not to care. Really, she did. She told herself that it didn't matter anymore, that Chad wasn't hers, that this—whatever this was—wasn't her business. He had every right to move on. She even tried repeating it in her head, like some kind of mantra: It’s over, it’s over, it’s over.
But it didn't work. It never worked.
It wasn't just the jealousy, though that was certainly the loudest emotion screaming in her chest. It was the helplessness that came with it. The same helplessness she'd felt back in kindergarten, when that dark, fiery feeling had bubbled up inside her and she hadn't known what to do with it. Back then, she'd pushed people, shoved them, let her rage and frustration spill out in any way it could.
Now? Now she was older. Supposedly more mature. She was supposed to be able to handle her emotions, wasn't she? But standing there, watching Chad lean into you, laugh at something you said like it was the funniest thing in the world, Tara felt that same fiery frustration rise in her chest.
She didn't shove people anymore—didn't let that dark feeling spill out like she used to—but that didn't mean it wasn't still there, simmering just below the surface. And now, as she stood frozen in the hallway, all of it—every last ounce of it—was directed at you.
Because you didn't belong there.
You didn't belong with Chad.
You didn't belong in the picture she still couldn't stop replaying in her head: you laughing at something he said, him pulling you closer, the two of you looking... happy.
Tara bit the inside of her cheek, hard enough to taste blood. She told herself to turn away, to stop looking, to let it go. But it was impossible. Just like it had been when she was five years old, that feeling burned too brightly, clawed at her too viciously to ignore.
And now, as she stared at you from across the hallway, she realized she didn't know how to make it stop.
She couldn't stop seeing it—couldn't stop feeling it. You and him. It was burned into her mind, an image so vivid it felt like it had been seared there with a branding iron. Every time she closed her eyes, it was there. You and Chad. Laughing together. Holding hands. Kissing.
Tara's hands clenched into fists at her sides. She hated it. She hated you.
She hated the way you were always smiling, like you didn't have a care in the world. She hated the way you stood so close to him every day, the way his arm so casually rested on your shoulders. She hated the way you looked at him, and the way he looked at you. Like you were the only person in the room. Like you were perfect.
You weren't even that cute. That's what she tried to tell herself, over and over again. You weren't anything special. There were plenty of other girls in Woodsboro prettier than you, smarter than you, more interesting than you.
But it was a lie.
Because you were beautiful.
You were effortlessly beautiful in a way that made Tara's stomach churn. She hated the fact that she couldn't use your looks as an excuse. She hated how good you looked with Chad, how perfect you seemed together, how easy it was to see why he'd chosen you.
And that made her hatred burn even brighter.
Most nights, she couldn't sleep. The second her head hit the pillow, her mind would start spinning, and the thoughts would creep in—dark, ugly thoughts that wrapped around her like a vice. She could see it so clearly, almost like it was happening right in front of her.
You touching him in places she was supposed to touch. You undressing him, his hands roaming over your body instead of hers. You kissing him, making him moan, sitting on top of him—doing all the things she was supposed to do.
It made her blood boil. It made her want to scream.
The images were relentless, vivid and visceral, and every one of them felt like a knife twisting deeper into her chest. Sometimes, the anger was so sharp it made her want to claw at her own skin, like she could rip the feeling out of herself if she just tried hard enough.
But no matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried to push the thoughts away, they always came back. They stayed with her, haunting her like a ghost she couldn't escape.
And every time, the hatred burned hotter.
It wasn't fair. You weren't supposed to have him. You weren't supposed to be in his arms, weren't supposed to hear his laugh up close, weren't supposed to know what his lips felt like. You didn't deserve any of it. You didn't deserve him.
He was hers. He'd always been hers.
But now, he wasn't.
And it was all because of you.
And this wasn't like any other time. Not even close.
Tara had always known her temper was a problem. She'd been told that enough times growing up—by her teachers, by her mom, by anyone who'd had the misfortune of crossing her when she was angry. But this? This was different.
She'd never felt this way before.
She'd tried everything to stop it, to keep herself from unraveling. Everything her mom had suggested back when she'd first started noticing how intense Tara's outbursts could be. Taking deep breaths, counting to ten, picturing a happy place—none of it worked. It never had.
And when her mom's suggestions fell flat, Tara had turned to the internet, searching desperately for anything that might help. Techniques to control anger, ways to keep herself calm, tips to avoid losing her temper. She'd read every article she could find, watched every video, tried every trick. Not because she cared about managing her emotions—no, she just wanted to avoid her mom forcing her into some anger management program or therapy session she'd be stuck in for months.
But now? Now, she couldn't even pretend to have control. Nothing worked. Nothing.
Her heart pounded in her chest, her skin prickled with heat, and the jealousy burned so hot and sharp that she felt like she was coming apart at the seams. It wasn't just anger anymore. It was something else entirely, something darker and more consuming.
Tara felt insane.
Because no matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried to push it down or ignore it, the feeling wouldn't go away. It wrapped around her like a second skin, suffocating and unbearable, until there was only one thought left in her mind:
She had to get rid of you.
It wasn't even a question anymore. It was a fact, plain and simple. There was no other way to fix this, no other way to make the feelings stop. You had to go.
At first, Tara thought about spreading a rumor or two. Nothing big, just enough to make you and Chad fight. Enough to plant a seed of doubt, to tear apart whatever connection you had with him. It sounded perfect at first—until she realized how easily it could blow up in her face.
Chad would figure it out eventually. He'd find out Tara was behind it, and then she'd lose any chance of getting him back.
She thought about telling you to leave, to move away, to go anywhere but here. But that was ridiculous. You'd never listen.
She thought about kidnapping you.
The thought came and went so quickly it almost startled her. For a split second, her mind flickered to the idea of forcing you out of the picture entirely, taking control in a way that left no room for argument.
But no. That was insane.
...Wasn't it?
Tara clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms hard enough to hurt. She was spiraling. She knew it. But she couldn't stop.
Nothing else would work. Nothing except you being gone.
She didn't know how, she didn't know when, but Tara knew one thing with absolute certainty:
You couldn't stay.
You didn't belong here. You didn't belong with Chad. You didn't belong anywhere near him, near her, near this town.
You didn't belong anywhere.
And Tara? Tara was going to make sure of it.
She toyed with possibilities. But none of them seemed right.
Kidnapping you crossed her mind more than once though. Briefly.
But it was stupid, insane.
Because what would she do when she had you?
Just keep you there?
It seemed suiting, but it wouldn't work out.
But she couldn't help thinking it—if only because she was running out of options.
And then, the thought hit her. It came out of nowhere, sharp and sudden, like a knife to the gut.
She could kill you.
At first, the thought had hit her like a slap to the face, sharp and jarring in its absurdity. It had seemed insane. Because it was insane. What kind of person even thought something like that, let alone seriously considered it?
But as the days dragged on, the idea didn't fade. If anything, it took root. The more Tara thought about it, the less insane it seemed. Her anger, that relentless, boiling rage, started to simmer. It didn't disappear entirely—not even close—but it
lessened.
For the first time in weeks, she could breathe.
The idea itself was enough at first. She didn't need to act on it. Just thinking about it was enough to bring her some semblance of peace. She let the fantasy play out in her mind like a sick little movie: you, out of the picture, gone forever. It didn't matter how or when—just that it happened.
And for a few days, she was happy with just that. She let herself exist in that space, in the calm that came with imagining a world where you didn't exist. A weekend of relative peace, of daydreams that made her anger feel manageable.
But then Monday came.
And Tara saw you again.
You were standing in the hallway, smiling up at Chad like he was the only person in the world. His arm was slung casually around your shoulders, his head tilted toward yours in that stupid, familiar way that made Tara's stomach twist.
It was like being set on fire all over again.
Her chest burned, her vision blurred, and that fleeting peace she'd found over the weekend vanished in an instant. The rage came roaring back, hotter and more vicious than ever, tearing through her like a wildfire.
Because the thought of you being gone wasn't enough anymore. Not when you were right there, so close, so perfect, so fucking smug without even trying.
Tara's fists clenched at her sides, her nails digging into her palms until they left crescent-shaped indents. Her jaw tightened, her teeth grinding as she stared at you, as she watched you.
You didn't belong there. You didn't belong under his arm. You didn't belong anywhere near him.
And now? Now, Tara knew what she had to do.
It wasn't a matter of if anymore. It was a matter of when.
Because just thinking about it wasn't enough. Not anymore.
She was going to kill you.
And she was going to feel better for it.
___
Tara had everything prepared.
The thought of it had consumed her, growing like a rock inside her chest, feeding off her every waking moment until it was impossible to ignore.
And now, it was time.
She had spent days balancing on the edge of dread and longing, torn between the weight of what she was about to do and the twisted satisfaction she knew it would bring. It wasn't something she wanted—not really. But it was something she had to do. The only way to end the torment that had been eating away at her since the moment she saw you with him.
So Tara had done her research, gathering every scrap of information she could. She watched you closely—closer than ever. She had listened, observed, bided her time until the perfect opportunity revealed itself.
And it had.
It had been math class on Monday afternoon, and Tara had been lucky enough to snag a seat directly behind you and your friends. Normally, she would've tuned out your conversation entirely, drowning it in her thoughts. But this time, she had leaned in, careful to catch every word.
You'd been talking about the upcoming math test, about how you'd be studying for it Wednesday afternoon. Alone.
Your parents were going to be at some lame work conference, and they'd decided to take your younger brother along to make a trip out of it. You'd rolled your eyes as you explained how stupid it all sounded, but Tara hadn't cared about your opinion.
All she cared about was the opening.
You'd be home. Alone.
It was perfect.
Tara's pencil had hovered over her notebook as she pretended to take notes, but her mind wasn't on algebra. It was spinning with possibilities, with plans, with the kind of clarity that had eluded her for weeks.
When the bell rang and you left the room with your friends, Tara sat frozen in her seat for a moment, her fists clenched around the edge of her desk. The pounding in her chest felt louder than the shuffle of students leaving the classroom, louder than the voices in the hallway.
Because now, it wasn't just an idea.
It was a plan.
Wednesday. After school. It would be done.
And finally, finally, she would feel better.
Wednesday came, and Tara felt something she hadn't in weeks. Happiness.
It wasn't the fleeting, muted kind that came and went without leaving a trace. No, this was sharp, visceral, alive. She could feel it buzzing beneath her skin, coiling around her chest like a warm, electric current.
She didn't remember the last time she'd woken up this excited. It was like every nerve in her body had been lit aflame, pushing her through the motions of her morning routine with a sense of purpose she hadn't felt in so long.
Because today was the day.
Every second that ticked by brought her closer to it. To you. To the end of the endless cycle of rage and jealousy that had consumed her. She could picture it already—vivid, perfect, satisfying.
You'd be scared, of course. How could you not be? She imagined the way your eyes would widen, the way you'd stammer out a pathetic plea. You'd try to push her off, scramble for an escape, but it wouldn't work.
It wouldn't work because you were weak. You weren't like her. You didn't know what it meant to fight, to claw your way through something until you got what you wanted. You'd crumble like paper.
And then you'd be gone.
She could see the aftermath so clearly it almost felt real. Chad, walking through the school corridors alone, his shoulders slumped with the weight of grief. His face twisted in pain as he thought about you.
And then—then he'd come back to her. He had to. It was inevitable, wasn't it? He'd remember how good things were with her, how much better they could be now that you were out of the picture. He'd pull himself to her, broken but needing her to put him back together.
It was all Tara could think about.
The entire day felt like a blur, her mind too preoccupied to focus on anything else. Teachers droned on and on about tests and essays, classmates chatted about meaningless things, but none of it mattered. Nothing mattered except what was waiting for her after school.
And yet, the anger was still there.
It simmered beneath the surface, coiled tight in her chest, a constant reminder that nothing was done yet. You were still there, still laughing and smiling and making her blood boil with every second that passed.
In English class, she caught sight of you leaning over Chad's desk, your voice low as you explained something to him. Grammar, maybe. Whatever it was, Tara didn't care.
What she cared about was the way he was looking at you. That stupid, soft smile, the same one he used to give her.
It made her stomach turn.
You didn’t even know what you were doing, she thought bitterly, her fists clenching beneath her desk. You didn't know him. You didn't know how to help him, not like she did. You weren't supposed to be there, leaning over his shoulder, pointing at his textbook like you had any idea what you were doing.
Tara's jaw tightened, her teeth grinding together as she stared at the two of you.
But it was fine. It wouldn't matter soon enough.
By the time the final bell rang, she was practically buzzing with anticipation, her hands trembling as she shoved her books into her bag.
Because today was the day.
And by the time it was over, you'd be gone. Forever.
By the time last period rolled around, Tara could barely contain herself. She was bouncing her leg under the desk, the rapid up-and-down movement making the surface wobble slightly. It wasn't stress, though. Not even close.
It was excitement.
Because in just a few hours, everything would be different. You'd be gone.
She'd spent the entire day anticipating this moment, and now that it was so close, she could hardly breathe. Her chest felt tight, but not in the way it used to when the anger consumed her. This was something else—something electric, like a firework waiting to explode.
When the bell finally rang for the last time that day, Tara practically shot out of her seat. Her heart was pounding, her pulse thrumming in her ears as she sprinted to her locker, dodging through the crowded hallway like her life depended on it.
She grabbed her things in a flurry, barely paying attention to what she was stuffing into her bag. The details didn't matter. Nothing mattered except getting out of there as quickly as possible.
The walk home was a blur. She couldn't even remember the route she took, but she knew it was fast because she'd gotten there in record time. She practically burst through the door of the apartment, slamming it shut behind her with a force that rattled the frame.
The space was empty, just as she'd hoped. Sam wasn't home, probably still at the café down the street where she worked long shifts most afternoons.
Tara didn't waste any time. She stormed into her room, yanking her bag off her shoulder and dumping its contents onto the bed. Books, hair ties, pens, and random scraps of paper spilled out in a messy heap. She didn't bother organizing any of it, her focus locked on what came next.
She started packing what she'd need instead.
First came the basics: a pair of gloves she'd swiped from the closet, a small hand towel, and a few cleaning supplies she'd found under the sink. Just in case.
Then there was the book. She'd borrowed it from the library earlier that day, an afterthought at the time, but now it served a purpose. If anyone asked what she'd been doing when you turned up dead, she'd have an alibi.
And then there was the knife.
Tara headed to the kitchen, her hands trembling slightly as she opened the drawer where Sam kept the cutlery. She stared at the knives for a moment, her breathing shallow as she considered her options.
Finally, she picked one.
It wasn't the largest or the sharpest, but it felt solid in her grip. Familiar, almost.
She held it for a moment, staring down at the blade as it caught the light. Her reflection stared back at her, warped and fragmented in the metal, but she didn't flinch.
She took a deep breath, steadying herself before tucking the knife into her bag.
This was it.
She was ready.
Tara zipped her bag shut and slung it over her shoulder, not even sparing a second thought for the knife or the other incriminating items inside. Evidence of what was about to happen was tucked away in plain sight, but the thought didn't concern her. Why would it? She wasn't going to get caught.
She paused in the doorway of the apartment, pulling out her phone to double-check the address one last time. It was burned into her memory by now, but a quick glance wouldn't hurt. She'd found it easily enough a week ago, scouring the school directory that had been left out in the counselor's office during one of her "mandatory check-ins." Your address had been listed next to your emergency contacts, all neatly typed out.
Perfect.
Satisfied, she slipped her phone back into her pocket and stepped out into the hallway. The stairwell echoed with her footsteps as she made her way down, each step slow and deliberate. She wasn't in a rush. Not yet.
The walk to your house wasn't short, but it wasn't unbearably long either. Just far enough to give her plenty of time to think, to imagine, to savor the anticipation building in her chest like a drug.
Tara was thrilled.
Not just because of what she was about to do, but because of how clever she'd been about it. The idea had struck her like lightning, and the more she thought about it, the more genius it seemed. She wasn't just solving a problem—she was removing it, erasing it entirely.
As she walked, her thoughts grew darker, more vivid. She pictured you in front of her, on your knees, crying and begging her to stop. But she wouldn't stop. She'd pin you down with a strength you couldn't fight against, her hands steady, her resolve unshakable.
Her gaze flicked down to her white Converse, and she pictured them splattered with red. Blood staining the canvas, dripping onto the pavement, marking every step she took.
She imagined your blood on her hands, warm and slick, streaked across her fingers like war paint. She pictured your face as she hovered over you, the way your eyes would widen with fear, the way your mouth would open to scream—only to be silenced.
The image sent a thrill through her, a jolt of satisfaction that made her grin.
To anyone else, these thoughts would be horrifying. Disturbing. Insane.
But to Tara, they were... liberating.
She couldn't wait.
Tara had dreamt about this moment. Every detail had been mapped out in her mind, as vivid and meticulous as if it had already happened. She hadn't missed a single thing while planning it.
She knew exactly how it would go.
You'd answer the door, your steps light as they always seemed to be. When the door swung open, you'd greet her with that confused little smile, the one that would tug at the corner of your lips as you tried to figure out what she was doing there.
She could already imagine the polite mask you'd pull on, hiding the confusion behind your soft smile as you asked—probably in that gentle, saccharine voice Chad loved so much—what she was doing at your house.
And Tara would match your politeness, feigning a warm, almost apologetic smile as she began to speak. She'd tell you that you'd left the classroom before the teacher had a chance to hand you a paper—a makeup assignment for the math test you were apparently struggling with. She'd tell you how she'd volunteered to bring it to you, mentioning offhandedly that your house was "on the way" to hers.
It wasn't.
But you were probably stupid enough to believe it.
Tara could almost see the way you'd nod, your suspicion melting away as you stepped aside to let her in. And that's when she'd set her plan into motion.
She'd unzip her bag slowly, her movements deliberate, casual, as if she really were pulling out a sheet of paper. She'd even keep talking, her voice calm, explaining how the assignment wasn't that difficult, just a review of material you should already know.
But when her hand came out of the bag, it wouldn't be holding any paper.
It would be holding the knife.
The image was so clear in her mind, so vivid that it felt real. She could see the shock on your face, the way your smile would drop, the way your eyes would widen. She'd let you stand there, frozen and clueless, for just a moment before she lunged.
The first stab would be quick, precise. She'd aim for your stomach, the blade plunging in before you had a chance to react. And as you stumbled back, clutching at the wound, she'd step inside, closing the door behind her with her free hand.
It wouldn't stop there. It couldn't.
She'd keep going, stabbing again and again, her movements frenzied but deliberate, each strike fueled by the rage that had been festering inside her for weeks.
By the time you hit the floor, Tara would already be kneeling over you, her knife rising and falling with a terrifying rhythm.
She'd finish it. Completely.
Tara found herself smirking at the thought, her steps quickening as she neared your street. The plan played out in her head like a movie she'd already watched a hundred times, each scene perfectly clear, perfectly executed.
The thought of it all—the fear in your eyes, the blood on her hands, the peace that would finally follow—was almost enough to make her laugh.
By the time she reached your street, her smirk had settled into something more fixed, more certain. The weight of the knife in her bag wasn't something she second-guessed. There was no hesitation in her steps, no flicker of doubt in her mind. She had played this moment over so many times that it felt inevitable, like she was simply walking through a prewritten script.
And then she saw your house.
That perfect, suburban home—one of those places that looked like it had been plucked from a family sitcom. The kind of house where nothing bad was ever supposed to happen. The driveway was empty, just like it was supposed to be. No parents home. No witnesses. But that didn't matter.
What mattered was that you had all of this.
Tara felt her stomach twist in something that wasn't quite anger, wasn't quite jealousy, but a poisonous mix of both. The house itself was nice—not a mansion, but big enough that she knew you had space that was yours. No sharing. No constantly moving from one place to another. You had stability. The porch light was already on despite the sun still clinging to the sky, because you had parents who actually cared if you got home in the dark.
Parents who were probably normal.
Not like hers.
And it wasn't just the house. It was everything. The car parked on the curb—the one that she knew was yours and not some shared family vehicle. The way your front yard was neatly kept, the way there was a welcome mat in front of the door, the way it all screamed a life she never had.
It made her hate you even more.
But that hate only made her more certain. Because soon, none of it would matter. Your perfect house, your caring parents, your stupid little car—they would all be meaningless.
Soon, the only thing you'd have was a gravestone with your name carved into it.
And that made her happy.
Tara forced herself to relax as she walked up the front steps, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. She let out a slow breath, schooling her expression into something neutral. She wasn't just about to commit murder—no, she was just a classmate doing a favor, dropping off an assignment.
The thought almost made her laugh.
She reached the front door, lifting a fist and knocking twice against the wood.
The house was quiet. Peaceful.
But soon, Tara imagined, it would be fuller.
Fuller with screams.
And then—she heard it.
A soft, thoughtless hum from the other side of the door. Light, airy, clueless.
Her hands twitched at her sides, damp with sweat before she even realized it. A sick, twisted heat pooled in her stomach, curling around her ribs like a vice, because for the first time all day, something foreign crawled up her spine.
Nerves.
Real, undeniable, nerves.
She clenched her fists, nails digging into her palms.
No. No. That wasn't right. She had waited for this.
She had planned, dreamed, prepared for this exact moment. She was supposed to feel good. Excited.
Not like this.
Not like her body had turned against her.
Tara's jaw tightened, anger sparking white-hot beneath her skin, because that was your fault, too.
Of course, it was.
You were the one who made her feel this way. You were the reason her mind had been tangled in knots for weeks, the reason she couldn't breathe without choking on the thought of you, the reason everything felt so wrong.
And that was why she was here.
She sucked in a sharp breath, planting her feet firmly on the doorstep, pushing the shaking from her hands, the sweat from her palms.
Because it didn't matter.
It didn't matter that her heart was hammering against her ribs. It didn't matter that her mind was racing.
All that mattered was that you were coming.
And then—
A quiet shuffle of footsteps.
Closer.
Tara's stomach twisted.
Another step.
And another.
The shadow of movement from behind the glass.
And then—
The door clicked as the lock turned.
The handle shifted.
And Tara stopped breathing.
The door swung open.
And there you were.
Tara didn't know what she had expected. She had run through this moment in her head too many times to count, had pictured every detail—the way you'd react, the way she'd feel, the way it would finally happen. But none of those versions had prepared her for the real thing.
Because the real thing was you—standing there, so normal, so alive in a way that made something tighten in her chest.
You hadn't even looked to see who it was before your lips curled into a soft, polite smile, like answering the door and finding someone waiting for you was just another part of your evening. Like she was just another part of your evening.
And Tara—
Tara froze.
Her grip tightened around the strap of her bag, fingers stiff, nails pressing into her palm. The weight of it suddenly felt too heavy, dragging her down, pinning her in place.
You weren't looking at her yet, not fully, but she could see the moment it registered. The way your eyes flickered, widening just a little before settling, before you adjusted.
Tara swallowed hard, throat dry.
She hadn't planned for this—for the way time seemed to slow, for the way her pulse slammed against her ribs, not in anger but in something else, something unreadable. She had prepared for every possible scenario, had thought through every single step. She knew exactly what she had to do.
So why the fuck wasn't she doing it?
Why was she standing there, frozen, when this was exactly what she had been waiting for?
Her stomach twisted, a sick, sudden nausea creeping in.
She had to say something.
She had to move.
But she just stood there, staring.
It was like her body had short-circuited, her mind blanking out in a way it never did. She had pictured this moment a hundred times, had mapped it out in her head with a precision so sharp it felt real—but now? Now, standing in front of you, with your stupid soft smile and your wide, expectant eyes, everything felt wrong.
She was supposed to have control.
She was supposed to speak first.
But before she could force a single word out of her mouth—
"Oh my God, Tara!"
Your voice hit her like a slap to the face.
Not just because of the voice—bright, warm, too friendly for what this moment was meant to be—but because of how you said her name.
Wrong.
You stretched out the A like it belonged there, like you had never even considered the right way to say it.
Tara's stomach twisted, her nose scrunching slightly before she could stop it.
She hated when people did that.
It wasn't even complicated. It wasn't hard.
Tara. Short. Sharp. Simple.
Why the fuck would it be anything else?
But then—before she could even say anything, before she could snap at you the way she wanted to—you noticed.
Not in the way most people did.
You didn't fumble over yourself, didn't look nervous, didn't react like someone who had just made a mistake in front of the wrong person.
No.
You just... realized.
"Oh—sorry. It's Tara, right?"
And this time, you said it right.
Tara felt something hot crawl up her spine.
You didn't wait for her to correct you.
You didn’t need her to tell you you were wrong.
You figured it out on your own.
And yet, you still smiled.
"I'm sorry, I totally suck at names," you added, your voice easy, a small, amused sigh slipping through a quiet giggle.
A giggle.
Like this was nothing.
Like you weren't standing in your doorway, staring at someone who had come here to kill you.
Tara's grip on her bag tightened.
You weren't nervous.
Not even a little.
Why weren't you nervous?
You were supposed to be. Yet she was the one that was.
Tara didn't know what the fuck was happening to her.
This wasn't right.
She was supposed to be in control. She was supposed to be sharp, precise, already halfway inside your house by now, setting her plan into motion.
But instead, she stood there.
Frozen.
Silent.
She couldn't speak.
Her body acted before her mind caught up, lips pressing together in something barely resembling a smile. Thin. Tense. Fake.
"It's fine," she mumbled, her voice lower than she intended.
It wasn't fine.
Nothing about this was fine.
And yet, you still didn't ask her what she was doing here.
You didn't look suspicious. You didn't hesitate. You didn't ask.
Tara could feel something bubbling in her chest, frustration twisting in with something else, something hotter, sharper.
Why weren't you asking?
Why weren't you wary?
Why weren't you treating her like a stranger who had no reason to be on your doorstep?
But before she could dwell on it for too long, your face lit up even more—
And you started talking.
"I've actually been wanting to speak to you for a while."
Your voice was too warm. Too light.
Tara's jaw clenched.
"This whole thing with Chad..."
You trailed off, tucking a bit of hair behind your ear, tilting your head ever so slightly as your eyes flicked to her face—
Waiting.
Waiting to see if she reacted to his name.
And fuck, she did.
She hated that she did.
But you didn't seem to notice.
Or maybe you did, but you didn't care.
You just continued, words spilling out like you had been holding them in for too long.
"I wanted to ask if you guys were fine before... yeah, you know."
Tara didn't need you to finish that sentence.
She knew exactly what you meant.
Before you.
Before Chad moved on.
Before you ruined everything.
Her nails dug into the strap of her bag.
And still, you didn't stop talking.
"I know we're not friends and barely know each other," you admitted, still looking at her with that same softness. That genuine fucking softness that made her stomach twist in ways it shouldn't.
"But you're really nice," you went on.
Tara almost laughed at that.
Nice.
You thought she was nice.
And then—
"I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable or, you know... secretly hate me."
The way you said it was almost casual, like it was just a thought, something light, something small—
But Tara felt her heartbeat slam against her ribs.
You didn't know.
You had no idea.
And for the first time since she got here, she felt a flicker of something close to panic.
You didn't hate her.
You weren't afraid of her.
You thought she was nice.
What the fuck was she supposed to do with that?
Tara tried to reason with herself.
If she just did it now, everything would be fine.
If she just said what she planned to say, if she reached for her bag, if she pulled out the knife instead—
It would be over.
It would be done.
You would be nothing but a mess on the floor, and Chad would be devastated, and he would come crawling back, and everything would go back to how it was supposed to be.
So why wasn't she moving?
Her fingers twitched against the strap of her bag, but her body stayed rooted to the spot.
She wanted to.
Oh, how she wanted to.
She had dreamed about this moment.
Had imagined the way you'd look at her—terrified, confused, realizing too late what was about to happen.
She had longed for it.
And yet—
She couldn't.
For some stupid, inexplicable reason, she couldn't.
Something in her wouldn't let her.
What the fuck was she even thinking earlier?
Why did she think this would be easy?
Why did she think she could just walk up here and do it like it was nothing?
Her head felt too full, a war raging behind her eyes, pushing, pulling, twisting.
She wasn't supposed to hesitate.
She wasn't supposed to second-guess herself.
She was supposed to kill you.
So why was it suddenly feeling impossible?
You studied her face as she stood there, silent.
To you, it probably looked like she was still hurt over Chad.
Like she was standing here, struggling to find the right words, caught up in old feelings she hadn't moved past yet.
And when she didn't answer, you didn't take it the way you should have.
You didn't question why she was just standing there.
You didn't wonder why she was looking at you like that, like something wasn't clicking in her head.
Instead—you invited her in.
You stepped back, opening the door a little wider, glancing at her with the same warm expression you had greeted her with.
"Do you want to come inside?"
Tara blinked.
For a second, she thought she misheard you.
But you weren't kidding.
You were actually letting her in.
You, the person she had been planning to kill, were offering to welcome her into your home.
You didn't even know her.
And when she didn't immediately respond, you just smiled a little and added, "Only if you want to."
That was it.
No hesitation. No suspicion. No fear.
Why weren't you scared of her?
Why weren't you acting like someone who was about to die?
Her fingers clenched tighter around the strap of her bag.
She should leave.
She should end this.
She should do what she came here to do.
And yet—
Almost without thinking, she found herself nodding.
Slowly, stiffly.
And then she was stepping inside.
Her body was acting on its own, ignoring the part of her mind still screaming at her to just fucking do it already.
She heard you close the door behind her.
She stood there, fists tightening at her sides, eyes flickering around your house—your nice, warm, safe house that made her sick.
And then you were talking again, so casually, so easily.
"I'm trying to study for the math test, but it's not going really well."
You let out a small, light laugh, like this was nothing.
Like she was just a friend stopping by instead of a fucking killer in your home.
Tara didn't know why she followed you.
Why her feet carried her further inside instead of turning around and doing what she was supposed to do.
She barely processed the way you walked ahead of her, leading her through the house like she belonged there.
Like she wasn't holding a knife in her bag.
Like she wasn't planning to use it.
Her fingers curled tighter around the strap, knuckles aching from the pressure, but she still didn't stop.
She stepped past the entryway, eyes flickering over everything she could see—the framed artwork on the walls, the coat rack near the door, the way the house smelled warm, lived in. There was something painfully normal about all of it. Too normal. It made her stomach turn.
And then her gaze landed on it.
The photo sitting neatly on the shelf above the couch.
She didn't mean to stop. Didn't mean to let her focus linger. But she did.
It was you.
Your family.
Your mom, your dad, your little brother.
All of you smiling, arms wrapped around each other like you had never known anything but happiness.
Her throat burned.
Her chest felt tight, like someone had wrapped their hands around her ribs and squeezed.
She didn't know why.
She didn't fucking know why.
All she knew was that she hated that picture.
Hated the way you had that.
Hated the way she couldn't even imagine a photo like that of her own family.
Most definitely not framed in the living room.
Her mouth pressed into a hard line, her grip tightening around the strap of her bag.
The weight of the knife sat heavy inside, like it was taunting her.
She should reach for it.
She should pull it out and remind herself why she was here.
But her body still wouldn't move.
And that made her furious.
Why the fuck was she just standing here?
Why wasn't she doing anything?
It would be so easy.
A few steps. A flick of her wrist.
Blood against the perfect little life you had.
A stain.
A reminder that nothing was ever really safe.
So why couldn't she do it?
Her fingers twitched at her sides.
Her pulse pounded in her ears, drowning out everything else—until your voice cut through the haze.
"Tara?"
She blinked.
Snapped back to the moment.
You were looking at her now, head slightly tilted, waiting for her to follow you further inside.
She forced her jaw to unclench, tearing her eyes away from the photo and moving again.
She followed you into the living room.
And that was when she saw the mess of notes and open notebooks spread out across the coffee table.
Pens scattered. Pages half-filled with numbers and formulas. Homework left abandoned mid-thought.
She stared.
She didn't even know why.
Maybe it was because it was so normal.
Like you had no idea what was standing right in front of you.
Like she wasn't supposed to be anything other than some classmate stopping by with an assignment.
Her fingers twitched against the strap of her bag.
Maybe if she just—
Your voice cut through the silence again, still light, still unbothered.
"You can sit down if you want."
You motioned toward the couch, as if this was just normal.
As if she wasn't standing in your house, her heart hammering, her mind completely unraveling.
Tara swallowed hard, forcing her feet forward.
One step.
Then another.
She made it halfway across the room before stopping again, her breath catching somewhere in her throat.
She shouldn't be here.
She shouldn't be doing this.
She should just grab the knife, should just do what she fucking came here to do.
But she couldn't.
And she didn’t know why.
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ladykailitha · 3 days ago
Text
You're a Dream to Me Part 1
I've been really struggling with Dragon Slayer and trying to get it so that it makes sense, so I'll be cycling in some of the other WIP I have in the wings until I can get it sorted out.
I thought I had another week to try and get the kinks ironed out, but I didn't.
And it ends on a bit of cliffhanger, though not the cliffhanger I original had. Which means that the NEXT chapter will ALSO have a cliffhanger. Once I get the kinks worked out of that chapter.
I hate it when stories fight me. I haven't had one this bad since the first soulmate story "Batshit Soulmates". But I will not abandon it. It just will take longer to come out then originally planned.
So! You're getting this one instead! It has a very lovely backlog and it's a great time to start putting it out because it's Valentine's Day month!
The title comes from The Cranberries song of the same name.
Summary: In a world where dreams show your true soulmate when you need them most, Steve has been having his for years but because his soulmate isn't ready yet, he's never seen what his soulmate looks like. Eddie has been having dreams about Steve Harrington since high school but more in the vein of wet dreams rather than soulmate. But when Brian's soulmate turns out to be a sweet girl who hadn't heard a heavy metal song in her life, suddenly Eddie realizes he needs to stop expecting his soulmate to look a certain way.
~
Soulmates. The world was filled with them, but only when you needed them. So there were people who went about the world without a single dream or vision. That was how you knew who they were. You would start dreaming of a person and that would be your soulmate. But only when both of you were ready.
Which meant that sometimes one soulmate went without for awhile, but the knowledge of their soulmate being out there was enough to keep them going. Sometimes they married other people or dated around. There was none of this “waiting” for their soulmate. People lived their lives as normal.
People who were married when they discovered their soulmates had a lot of options, including polyamory. Because sometimes the soulmate was platonic.
Steve had been so sure his was platonic because he started having dreams of his soulmate right out of high school, around the time he started working with Robin at Scoops Ahoy! but she knew her soulmate. Vickie Cameron. They were super sweet together.
Steve had seen all his friends get their soulmates, the hardest had been Nancy and Jonathan, because Nancy hadn’t told him she had been dreaming of her soulmate. She just told him in a drunken slur that their love was bullshit and then proceeded to sleep with Jonathan before Steve and her had even officially broken up.
Then he met Robin and for all their connectiveness, they weren’t soulmates. A thought that vexed Robin greatly. She thought it was the universe’s greatest sin that it didn’t see the chaotic potential of the two of them.
Dustin had come home the summer Steve had met Robin all rosy-cheeked and smiling. He had met his soulmate, Suzie Bingham and she was everything bright and beautiful in the world. Steve had patted him on the back, grateful that he hadn’t been left out of his friend group. And while the others hadn’t soulamated yet, but it was a pretty sure thing that Max and Lucas were soulmates and that at least two points of the Mike, Will, and El love triangle were soulmates.
It would be a year before it shook out that it was Will and Mike, as El didn’t seem to need a soulmate. Mike had had some internalized homophobia he had to battle first before he could accept that his soulmate wasn’t El, but Will.
It would be another two years before Max and Lucas sorted it out. It was their senior year and Max realized that the only person she wanted to spend her life with was Lucas and the universe confirmed it for them. Lucas had been having his dreams since they met, but they only solidified when she accepted that their love was real.
Steve’s dreams of his soulmate had always been hazy. He would dream of them curling up behind him in bed and pressing kisses to his neck or just star gazing. Those were his favorite, when they would just lay on the top of some, he assumed trailer or RV, and just talk for hours. He couldn’t hear their voice, or see their face, but he was almost 98% sure they were a man.
When he had told his parents they had scoffed. Gay soulmates were a myth made up by degenerates and deviates trying to push their agenda down everyone else’s throats. But as his father ranted and raved, Steve watched his mother. She would nod and agree, but the light behind her eyes was gone.
He strongly suspected that her soulmate was a woman, but she didn’t dare toe the line. Steve honestly felt sorry for her. And whoever her soulmate was, waiting her not to be homophobic.
It was a stormy night when his first clear dream happened. Steve’s job at the bookstore had kept him late and he had fallen face first into his pillow, with only kicking off his shoes and removing his belt.
It started out like it normally did. Steve was in a large bed in the trailer/RV snuggled up into the piles of blankets and comforters. The rain had carried through to the dream and pounded against the metal roof of their home. His back was to the door.
The front door opened and Steve could hear the sound of rain intensify and then return to its soft pattering as the door closed behind whoever had come in. Steve could hear the jangling of the guy’s belt and chains, he supposed, as the man undressed.
Then he slipped under the covers and pulled Steve close. “Hey, Stevie,” the warm voice murmured and in Steve’s drowsy state in the dream he didn’t even realize he understood what was said for the first time.
Kisses pressed against the back of his neck and Steve smiled fondly. He turned in his dream and snuggled in close. He buried his head into the soft curls at the nape of his soulmate’s neck and sighed happily.
“Someone is snuggly tonight,” the man rumbled.
But before Steve could raise his head to press a kiss to the underside of his soulmate’s jaw, suddenly there was a blazing alarm going off in his head and he was jolted awake.
But just like every other soulmate dream he had the memories of which came flooding back in the moment he could think straight.
“Holy shit!” He dove for his phone and immediately called Robin.
“Steven Abernathy Harrington,” she groused groggily into her phone, “you better have a good reason for waking me up before dawn on my day off.”
“I heard my soulmate in my dream last night.”
Then he counted down in his head, bobbing his head with it. Five, four, three, two, one...
“What?!” she screamed. “Are you fucking with me right now? No, don’t answer that. This is too important for you to lie about. And it’s definitely a guy?”
Steve hummed in the affirmative, biting on his thumb. “He sound so super sweet, too. It was warm and rumbly and I almost want to say familiar.”
There was silence on the line for a beat or two. “So maybe someone you already know?”
“That’s what it felt like,” Steve confirmed. “It was like I finally came home at last. I just wonder what happened in his life to be ready for a soulmate when he wasn’t before.”
Robin tsked. “There is no need for that kind of talk,” she huffed. “That will just lead down a dark path. It doesn’t matter why it took him so long. He’s ready now. Or at least more ready than he was before. But you’ll just have to keep dreaming of that lover boy of yours.”
“Thanks, Rob,” he murmured. “You’re bestest friend a guy could hope for.”
“And don’t you forget it,” she teased. “Now, excuse me while I go back to bed and sleep.”
“Sleep well.” He ended the call and pressed the phone against his lips. He wanted to go back bed and dream more. But he had store to open and a job to do. One he loved, no less. So reluctantly he got out of bed to start his day.
~
Eddie woke up that morning feeling like he’d been hit by a truck. He wished he could blame it on a hangover from partying all night, but no. He had crashed face first into his pillow from the long ass drive they had taken to get into Dayton the second he had gotten checked-in.
He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He had dreamed about Steve Harrington. Again. This crush was getting wildly out of hand. But then it had been since he watched Billy Hargrove and him playing against each other in a skins game. Steve was on the skins team and hooboy.
Those shorts sat a little too low on his hips to be decent and the towel tucked into the back of them sought to bring them even further down. It was fucking sinful.
The dream had started as they always had, him slipping into his bedroom in his Uncle Wayne’s trailer and taking off his clothes. But then the dream changed from the usual hot sex to Steve cuddling up under his chin.
Eddie had gotten breathless from the idea of Steve initiating the sex for the first time in the dream when suddenly there was a knock on his door jolting him awake.
The knocking persisted, forcing him to his feet. He shuffled over to the door and swung it open, rubbing his eyes.
On the other side of the door was his manager, Chrissy Cunningham. He raised a questioning eyebrow at her.
“Just what the fuck do you call this time?” she hissed at him, pushing him into the hotel room. “We have to be at sound check in an hour. Hurry and get your shower, I’ll have clothes ready for you when you get out.”
Eddie hurried to do as he was told. He must have forgotten to set his alarm before pillow diving. He scrubbed his face in the shower, trying to get the dream out of his head. But it lingered in a way the didn’t normally.
He dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist. “Sorry, Chris. I must have either forgot to set the alarm or I slept right through it.”
Chrissy pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “I know. You’re usually so good at it. So I’m not mad, just frustrated because we’re running late.”
Eddie nodded and then turned around to drop towel and scrambled to put on the clothes she had laid out for him and then ducked back into the bathroom to do his hair. With his insistence to keep it long, it was a bit of hassle to keep it from frizzing out. Then he was ready.
Once they were in the car that would be taking them to the venue, Chrissy leaned over and asked, “Hey are you okay? You aren’t usually late.”
Which was true, despite all of the ADHD-ness of all of him, he was stickler for being on time, early if he could help it.
He shook his head. “Dreams, man. Some dreams just knock you out until they’re done with you.”
Jeff rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Meaning he was too embarrassed to answer the door because he had another wet dream of...” his voice went falsetto, “Steve Harrington!”
“Fuck off!” Eddie snarled. He knew that it was a long running joke with his other bandmates, but today it felt like it crossed a line.
Jeff blinked at him for a moment. “Okay, definitely didn’t come if he’s that grumpy. Shit, dude, no need to rip my head off.”
“I’d have to attest to the not coming,” Chrissy said with a gentle elbow in Eddie’s side to show that she was joking, “he looked all cute and sleep rumpled this morning. I know the ‘no longer horny’ look, and this wasn’t it.”
“But it’s still obvious he dreamed of Steve,” Brian huffed with a barely suppressed smile. “He’s got that far away look in his eyes that he only gets when he thinks about his loverboy.”
Eddie just rolled his eyes and pulled out his earbuds. He stuck them in his ears and turned up his music as loud as he could, staring out the window.
Jeff and Chrissy glanced at each other and grimaced. Whatever this was with Eddie, it wasn’t usual Eddie drama.
“So is your soulmate coming to the concert, Bri?” Chrissy asked, choosing to ignore the brooding Eddie for the moment. “I can have the box office comp a couple of tickets if you wanted.”
Brian brightened up. “That would be great! Sophie was saying that she’d never been to a live concert before.”
“Man,” Gareth groaned throwing back his head roughly against the seat cushion. “You really lucked out on the soulmate department. Sophie is sweet, hot, and bakes like a fucking pro!”
Brian shook his head. “It’s not my fault your soulmate is a diva. Like the real lucky one is Jeff who got his like right after we got a record deal. She’s been his ride or die like the whole time.”
Jeff sighed happily. “I really, really did. I wish she could have made it out this tour, but gestating twins isn’t easy being in one place, I can’t imagine doing it on the road.”
Gareth kicked the seat between Chrissy and Eddie. “We all thought it was going to be you and Eddie for sure.”
Eddie just sneered and went back to gazing out the window. He had too. Chrissy was everything he thought he wanted in a soulmate. Yeah, she was a former cheerleader, but she liked heavy metal and was a perfect mix of sweet and sassy. She never put up with his bullshit but was there when he hit his lowest point.
But then Chrissy met her soulmate and Eddie was forced to reevaluate his whole life choices. Chrissy’s soulmate was a bassist for an all female metal band called Lilith’s Little Monsters. Georgia was a perky blonde in three inch heels and ripped denim.
That was when he realized he was gay. That liking the same gender was okay. So he went into the whole homosexuality feet first and swinging. He was so sure that the reason he hadn’t gotten his soulmate dreams yet was because he had thought it was a girl, but when Georgia came screaming into their lives at Hellfest last year, he still didn’t start receiving them.
But that was before sweet Sophie came into their life. She wasn’t a metalhead like Miranda or Georgia nor a musician like Leon, Gareth’s soulmate. Leon played violin in an alt rock band. Which was still pretty badass. He was also a bit of a bitch, but that’s what happens when your soulmate was Gareth Hughes. Sophie would absolutely be mistaken as a soccer mom and president of the PTA. She radiating wholesome vibes, which Brian absolutely needed in his life.
That his soulmate could be anyone really opened Eddie up to the endless possibilities. And fuck wasn’t that a kick in the head.
~
Tag List: TEN SLOTS REMAINING
1- @itsall-taken @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @sadisticaltarts @dolphincliffs
2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @irregular-child @cryptid-system @kultiras
3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog
4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @dreamercec @blondie1006
5- @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @genderless-spoon @fearieshadow @thesecondfate
6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman
7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth
8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss
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kangaracha · 20 hours ago
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QUEENMAKER | CHAPTER 25
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pairing chan x reader
genre ninth member au, angst, fluff, coming of age, social media, cancel culture, anxiety, depression, forbidden love,
summary To JYPE, the solution is simple; take the sole trainee that will not debut with your brand new girl group, and use her to replace the missing vocalist in your male group that insisted on starting as nine.
Unfortunately, to the fans and the members themselves, it isn't that simple.
status ongoing
taglist OPEN
a/n thankyou so much to everyone that left comments on the last chapter, i forgot how much i love hearing from you! and thankyou to everyone that came back, even the lurkers, this chapter is only here because of you
previous | masterlist | next
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[EXCERPT FROM TRANSCRIPT: STRAY KIDS X JYP 'ALL IN' SPECIAL INTERVIEW]
- Q4: How did you come to the decision to add another member to Stray Kids two years after their debut?
JYP - Ah...as a company, we had a trainee that was the right age to debut, had been with us a long time and proved that she was an extremely hard worker and very dedicated, and had developed all the skills to debut - but we didn't have a group that we could envision her in. And so we discussed, the possibility of debut as a solo artist...or the opportunity to  replace the vocalist that Stray Kids had lost a year ago - a year before - and she's an absolutely stunning vocalist, a really capable singer - and through those discussions, and recommendations from her trainers, and looking at our, our vision for the future, we decided that she just matched the energy and the personality of Stray Kids too perfectly to let it go.
Bang Chan - At first...at first we didn't think we would need a ninth member anymore, but as a team we heard about Y/N and the idea to bring her in as a member, and we heard her sing and - well first, I thought that voice was amazing, and of course it was very different to any of ours and a whole new colour that we could bring to our music. And we heard about her hard work, and when we met we liked her, and so we decided that maybe she was a Stray Kid too, and she joined our group, and she is a very trusted member of our family now and our loved noona and still the hardest working member, and we're very happy the way that we are.
Changbin - Yes, our noona~
Felix - Yes, yes.
-Q5: Y/N, how do you feel about what JYP just said, and what was it like to join Stray Kids?
Y/N - It feels...very good. Very good. I've worked hard for a long time, and missed many chances, so to be able to join this group and finally find a place to belong and go forward with my dreams is...is a dream. To hear JYP PD-nim say that the company saw all my hard work and wanted to keep me on with them even when the debut with Midnight wasn't an option; it's very humbling, I didn't know that, and when the kids say that they liked me and wanted to welcome me to their group-
Han - It's awkward, right?
Y/N - It is! But I'm so grateful. And I'm working very hard to bring my own colour to Stray Kids and to represent the group as best as I can.
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TAGLIST
@kokinu09 @rainfallingfromthesky @lixie-phoria @mysweethannie @chlodavids
@hanniemylovelyquokka @tfshouldidohere @lauraliisa @puppysmileseungmin @kalopsian-thoughts
@puppy-minnie @readerofallthingss @dvbkie099 @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @acker-night
@d-chagi @lynlyndoll @borahae-reads @ihrtlix @yienmarkk
@minhwa @i2innie @jinnie-ret @conwunder @amesification
@starssongs98 @weirdhumanbeinglol @morinuu @the-weird-mold-in-the-sink @bokkiesplace
@amyyscorner @jiisungllvr @skzstaykatsy @blackhairandbangs @jungkookies1002
@hyuuukais @imsiriuslyreal @thatonedemigodfromseoul @gini143 @mercurywritesstuff
@splat00z @filmbypsh @palindrome969 @crabrangoongirl25 @enzos-shit
@jabmastersupriseee @kayleefriedchicken @hynjinswrld @duhgurl @cheshireshiya
@keepswingin
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nomie-11 · 3 days ago
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Dear Ellie
masterlist!
synopsis: after you pass away from an illness, ellie finds letters you had hidden away while you were still alive, and learns to live again
pairings: ellie williams x reader
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Dear Ellie, 
If your hand is in this jacket pocket, it means it’s getting cold out, and you need to grab your winter coat from the closet and clean this one. It’s nasty not to wash your summer coat. 
——————————
A part of her didn’t want to put away her summer coat. 
Putting away her summer coat would be allowing the last season you had been alive to pass her by. She didn’t like winter, didn’t like the cold bite in her cheeks. She wanted to stay in the warmth forever, swim in the freezing creeks and lay in the grass. 
She clutched the jacket tighter around her, fingers curling into the fabric as if holding it close would keep you closer. The scent of summer was nearly gone, faded under the crisp chill of autumn leaves and approaching winter, but she swore she could still catch a trace of you—the faint scent of strawberries, like a whisper she couldn’t quite make out. 
Ellie sat on the edge of her bed, the dim glow of the lamp casting long shadows against the walls. The note, your note, rested in her lap, the edges slightly crumpled from how many times she’d unfolded and remolded it. She traced the letters with a fingertip, your handwriting so familiar, so you. 
Her throat tightened. She should put the coat away. Should clean it just like you told her to. But if she did that, if she packed it up in the closet, it would mean the last season you had held her in would have passed without any attempts of her holding back. 
Despite her best attempts at clawing against time, to stay in the warm days of August and remember the feel of your hand in hers, she had been unsuccessful against the cooling of the air and the falling of the leaves. Ellie folded the note carefully, tucking it back into the pocket where it belonged. The coat stayed wrapped around her body. 
Winter could wait. She wasn’t ready yet. 
——————
Dear Ellie, 
If it’s really winter now, you should be wearing those gloves I made you. The ones with the weird stitching because I messed up halfway through. You promised me you’d wear them. 
I swear on my own grave, I’ll find a way to haunt you if you manage to get hypothermia. 
————————
She found them buried at the bottom of her drawer, shoved beneath old scarves and mismatched socks. 
The stitching was just as bad as she remembered. 
Ellie turned them over in her hands, running her thumbs over the uneven thread. You’d cursed the whole time while making them, frustrated with every mistake, but you’d still given them to her with a proud little smile. She had laughed, told you they were the ugliest thing she’d ever seen, and you’d punched her in the arm for that. 
Her vision blurred. 
With a sharp inhale, she pulled the gloves on. They were too warm, too tight around her fingers, but she clenched her fists and kept them on anyway. 
————————
Dear Ellie, 
If the snow is melting, it means spring is coming! You always liked spring more than winter, even though you pretended not to care. I remember the way you looked at the first green buds on the trees, the way your shoulders relaxed when the sun started lingering a little longer in the sky. 
I hope you’re letting yourself enjoy it. 
Go outside, Els. Feel the mud under your boots. Breathe it in. And eat something fresh, for god’s sake. You live in a town with a greenhouse. Use it. 
————————
The first signs of spring came slow—just hints at first, little glimpses of warmth breaking through the cold. The ice cracked, the snow thinned, and Ellie found herself standing outside, watching the way the world woke back up. 
She hadn’t noticed how tense her shoulders had been all winter until she felt them ease. 
For the first time in months, she let the sun sit on her face, let herself close her eyes and breathe in the damp, earthy scent of thawing ground. 
It was strange how grief shifted with the seasons. Winter had been heavy, cold, a weight pressing down on her chest. But spring… spring was different. It still ached, still lingered in the quiet moments, but it wasn’t as sharp. It was softer, something almost gentle, like the calming kiss of a morning breeze. 
She wandered to the greenhouse, hands stuffed in her pockets, and lingered by the rows of plants. You would have scolded her for not coming sooner. 
So she picked a handful of strawberries. 
She had never really liked them before—always found them when they weren’t ripe, too bitter and too sour—but when she bit into one now, it wasn’t like she remembered. 
It was sweet. 
——————————
Dear Ellie, 
I bet the creek is freezing. But that never stopped me! You always called me crazy, but I think you liked it at heart—how alive it made me feel. You only ever stuck your feet in, but you should go all the way in now. 
Go swimming for me. Scream when the cold hits you. Laugh when you resurface. Let yourself feel it all. 
You’re still here, Els. Don’t just exist. 
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Dina and Jesse’s had to drag her there. 
Ellie resisted at first, muttering excuses, shoving her hands deeper into her jacket. But when they reached the creek, something pulled at her, something deep in her chest that she couldn’t quite name. 
The water was crisp and fast, but the surface was smooth, catching the soft gold light of late spring. It was just as freezing as she remembered—just as sharp, just as breath-stealing. 
Dina jumped first, her laughter echoing through the trees, and Jessie followed with a loud whoop. 
Ellie hesitated at the edge, heart hammering. 
Then she thought of you. 
She thought of your grin, the way you used to look over your shoulder before you flipped off the higher rock into the cool rush of the river. 
So she jumped. 
The cold stole the breath from her lungs, but when she resurfaced, gasping, all she could do was laugh. 
——————————
Dear Ellie, 
It’s summer now, isn’t it?
I hope you’re not hiding inside like you do when it gets too hot. You never liked it, but summer was my favorite so you put up with it. I hope you’re still putting up with it. 
I hope you go outside, feeling the grass under your feet, hiking up in the mountains, sneaking ice from Joel’s fancy freezer. I hope you’re letting yourself have all of it. 
And I hope you’re not alone. 
—————————
Joel was older now. 
Ellie had always known that, had seen it in the way he over, the way he rubbed at his knees after a long day, the way he sighed when he sat down. 
But lately, she really saw it. 
She saw the gray in his hair, the lines that had deepened around his eyes. She saw the way his hands, once so steady, still so strong, sometimes trembled when he thought no one was looking. 
She had spent so long being angry. Holding onto it like armor, like proof of something she couldn’t quite name. 
But now? 
Now, she just saw her dad getting older. 
So she started spending more time with him. Small things at first—helping him with repairs, eating meals together, sitting on the porch on a dry summer night when the heat of the day finally faded. 
One day, she found an old guitar string and fixed up the guitar he had given her years ago. 
When she played, he closed his eyes and listened. 
They didn’t talk about it, about the time they had lost, about the things that had stood between them for so long. 
They didn’t have to. 
—————————
Dear my love, 
I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe because you wrote to me first to make sure I didn’t go insane. Maybe because I’m afraid that if I stop talking to you, I’ll forget the sound of your voice. 
I guess I just… I wanted to tell you that I did it. 
I swam in the freezing creek. I screamed like a fucking idiot when I hut the water, and Dina laughed so hard she started crying. Jesse splashed me in the face, and for a second, it was like nothing had even changed. 
I ate the strawberries from the greenhouse. And you were right—they totally aren’t bitter. I don’t think they ever were, I was just too much of an idiot to wait and get ready for them to ripen. You’d get a kick out of me trading anything for strawberries. 
Joel and I… we’re okay now. I sit with him on his porch some nights, and we don’t really say much, but it’s enough. I think he’s happy I’m around more. I was an ass for ignoring him for so long. 
It still hurts. I still miss you. Some nights, it hits me out of nowhere, and it’s like I can’t breathe. But then I think about what you’d say. I think about the way you’d roll your eyes at me, but then help me get back on my feet, go outside, live. 
So I’m trying. 
I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing you. But I’m learning that missing you doesn’t mean I have to stop living. 
I’m carrying you with me, Y/n. Every season. Every letter. Every strawberry. 
With all my love forever, 
Ellie
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What i think would happen if Ellie had an opportunity to actually grieve someone’s death
If you enjoyed this one shot, please check out my other series!
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demonic0angel · 4 hours ago
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Catwoman keeps breaking into the Ghost Zone somehow and stealing stuff. Not even valuable stuff, just any random object she can find that looks even vaguely cat shaped. Danny keeps resorting to ever more elaborate ways to keep her out before he breaks down and asks Batman for help.
(This is such a funny ask bc I got that other stealing-related one at around the same time)
Phantom looked like a— pun unintended— miserable, wet cat.
"Batman..." he said slowly, reaching over to pull at his cape. "I need help..."
Batman had always felt like his colleagues were like having your annoying nieces and nephews around during Christmas while you were suffering from hangovers from Christmas Eve. (He had no nieces and nephews. It was just that from what he could deduce, they were just as annoying as the Justice League.)
They were usually annoying, generally incompetent, lacking in brain cells whenever he took over, and overall, he felt like a babysitter whenever he was around them.
But Phantom? He was a breath of fresh air.
Because instead of feeling like he was babysitting a relative’s kid, Phantom was more like one of his kids. Batman felt like he was obligated to help Phantom, like Phantom was one of his own and needed to be taken under his wing.
Even if Phantom was just as annoying, incompetent, and lacking in brain cells as their colleagues, all of it was endearing when it was coming from him.
And no, this was not because he discovered that Phantom was only a year younger than Jason. (That was a lie.)
Batman was silent. Then he said, “What?”
Phantom blinked big green eyes at him. Then he said, “Catwoman keeps stealing things from the Ghost Zone. They’re not really valuable, but she’s causing a lot of problems by coming in and out of the Ghost Zone. I can’t do anything to stop her either and no matter what I do, I can’t make her give them back.”
Batman was silent again. Then he said, “I’ll take care of it.”
Like a dying flower who suddenly got watered, Phantom perked up. Even the wisps of his hair grew livelier, like living smoke. “Thanks, Batman!”
Batman grunted in response. His eyes were starting to burn from the brightness of Phantom’s smile.
They quickly exchanged some more pleasantries and information before Phantom had to go. Phantom waved goodbye and said cheerfully, “Thanks again, B! I’ll bring you cookies as payment!”
Batman raised a hand in silent agreement and goodbye. Phantom smiled one last time, his fangs peeking out before he darted out of vision, disappearing from the plane of existence that mortals lived on.
Batman watched him go.
From behind him, Alfred spoke up, “You cannot adopt another superhero. We have more than enough.”
“I wasn’t!”
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voidspiraling · 10 hours ago
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I gotta get this done before Valentine’s Day
Omg omg guys r u ready for pain an heartbreak this Valentines!!!?!?! I’m not. I just saw the teaser and I’m freaking out!!!!!!!!
I’ll keep this short cuz we’re gonna get the full video anyways I just wanted to point out a few things.
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The first scene is MiziSua!!! They’re in a class it seems talking to each other and looking cute. It seems to show a mundane everyday scene from the garden. The thing that stood out to me is the shadow cast against Sua. It’s overall a bright scene but the shadow cast on Sua hints at the darker aspects of Alien Stage. It could also show how Sua is in a dark place, and how she sees Mizi as her sole light. You can tell because of how bright Mizi’s hair is at the right part of the image. Sua is turned facing the right direction and away from the shadow. Like Mizi is the light at the end of the tunnel. Tunnel vision on a single person isn’t healthy but you can see from this picture that this where MiziSua is the happiest.
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The second scene we are shown after this first image is the twins!! This shot is more closer in fact you can barely see the background. This to me shows an intimate scene between family where you just focus on your time together. They’re both shadowed by the bright light behind them showing how ephemeral this moment is. It reminds me of a flashback in a movie to show innocence and purity of a character. But overall generally cute and wholesome.
The next scene tho….
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Oh man this scene is so eerie. So what my eye was drawn to was the corner of the room. Now whenever we see images of the garden it seems more open and almost warm. We usually see them from the perspective of the other characters so the garden looks big and comforting even though we know that everything is fake. The trees are fake, the fish are fake, the fake flowers have cameras in them. So we know the garden isn’t a safe place. But this shot of baby Luka shows that the garden really is just another cage made to look pretty. It felt like my safe space transformed into a horror scene XD.
Another thing that’s scary is baby Luka himself. Now normally Luka looks angelic and elegant. He looks so beautiful and soft in all the other videos. But even though he’s a baby here I can’t find him cute. The sweaty and dirty face paired with his purple fingertips looks creepy. But what really scared me were his eyes. This is the most emotion I’ve seen on him his wide pale eyes and his outstretched hands and his flushed face, it feels like he’s about to do something with dire consequences. Maybe this is before he gets into that accident with hyunwoo? Whatever it is it’s so unsettling.
Alternatively it could be that what he’s reaching for is shown in the next and final scene I wanna talk about.
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IvanTill my babies!!!!!!! We only see the back of their head tho 💔 but it’s ok I can still feel the cuteness coming from them! Look at how small Till is he has to stand on his tip toes to draw ;-; I love him so much. And man the really upped the colors in this teaser his hair almost looks cyan :0 it feels almost fairytale like.
Anyways let’s talk abt what this could potentially mean. So here we see Ivan looking intently at Till drawing on a white wall with a pencil. Till is reaching as high as he can to draw on the wall. And he moves from the left to right, this scene has the most movement and is also the only scene where we don’t see their faces. They’re also farther away from the viewer it feels like an outsider looking in.
Considering that Till is drawing on the wall I think this ties into my earlier post where I compared Tills wall mural to freedom. In this scene we don’t see any part of the fake garden instead we see art of a real garden, a garden created from Till’s imagination.
I think this is what Luka wanted to reach for, freedom and creativity. IvanTill have always been distinct in this way as they show how escape is possible and how humanity thrives even when outside forces tries to removes it from you. Till shows this be always rebelling and always staying true to himself in his art and music. Meanwhile Ivan is always so human in the way he loves Till. Even though he knows how to thrive in the system he still risks his safety to comfort Till when he’s passed out. He throws the match to save the one he loves even though he knows it’s futile. They’re both so tragic and human it makes me cry every time I see them together sigssisbjssbjabxhxgcgdjsis.
Last thing I wanted to mention was that there’s a lot of motion from left to right in the teaser. I think this conveys moving forward into a hopefully brighter future. Maybe there will be a happy ending after all?
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emotionalhottiee · 1 day ago
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Made For Each Other!
Chapter 3: No Second Chances!
Aleah
After listening to that voicemail, i immediately blocked that number. Still processing that voicemail i couldn’t help but wonder why he was calling me.
I mean i know why, but did he really think that he could talk his way back into my life? After such a HUGE mistake. An unforgivable fuck up. Like all i can do is shake my head, trying to hold back the tears. I was not trying to break down crying in front of all my new co workers, but as hard as i was fighting back the tears were winning.
Making my way out of catering i tried to find the nearest restroom, through blurred vision. I found a bathroom which was thankfully a single and trudged inside. Letting the tears flow down my cheek. My mind wondered back to a time when things were good. When we were happy.
*Flashback*
“Do you know what today is?
It's our anniversary
Made for you and me.”
I was singing along to Tony Toni Tone’s Anniversary in the passenger seat, as Dominic drove us to our reservation. Celebrating us dating for 2 years, this moment was so special to me. Dominic was so special to me. Of course he wouldn’t tell me where we were going. So i just sat back & watched as we passed by the buildings and the backdrop of downtown Atlanta passed us by. It was only another 20 minutes had gone by. When we arrived at a fancy five star restaurant.
Walking inside the place was vibrantly lit. Soft jazz music played in the background, while a nice older woman directed us to our table. “My name is Helen, i will be your waitress for the night. Here are your menus, while you guys are deciding on your food, what can i get you for your drinks?” She asked ever so sweet with her southern accent thick. “I’ll just have a water, with lemons” i replied. “I’ll have a jack & coke” Dominic said, never looking up from his menu. Sometimes i hated his lack of manners, but i decided to bite my tongue tonight and not make a fuss. It is our anniversary. “Sure thing, i’ll be right out with those drinks” She stated seemingly unbothered by Dominic not looking at her. “Thank you so much” i replied making eye contact with her so i could apologize without words. She smiled genuinely letting me know it was fine, before she proceeded back into the kitchen.
As the night went on we got our food, the atmosphere shifted. Which i was grateful for. Instead of focusing on his lack of manners, we talked about our relationship. Just laughing at the memories we’ve made in two years. Talking about where our future will take us. Even talking about our boundaries. Which usually tends to tick me off, because i have simply stated mine from the very beginning. And they have not changed. But that doesn’t stop Dom from being Mr. Forgetful and constantly bringing them up. He knows having the same conversation over and over and over is a pet peeve of mine.
The night continued on, as i buried my frustrations in the back of my mind. I didn’t want to let one little annoyance ruin our anniversary. We continued to enjoy our food, exchanging funny stories & loving moments between the two of us.
*Flashback Over*
Wiping away the rest of my tears i swore to myself that i was done crying over Dominic… So why was i still such an emotional wreck? But the truth is i was forcing myself to get over it, instead of tunneling through the barrage of emotions i felt. I just didn’t wanna deal with this. I mean what was the point when the relationship was over. Why keep being sad over the past, when it’s the past. Questions that kept replaying in my mind, because i just wanted to move on from him. But it’s not as cut and dry as i thought it would be.
I made a mental note to myself, to call my therapist about my little emotional dilemma.
As i finished rinsing my face with cold water, trying to conceal my red puffy eyes. I grabbed my bags heading out of the bathroom. My head was completely in my purse and not paying attention to what’s in front of me, which caused me to collide into them. Or more specifically him.
“Whoa sweetie, are you okay”. He asked holding his arms out, to prevent me from falling. Even tho i was totally not gonna fall. “You gotta watch where you going babygirl, i wouldn’t wanna knock you over.” He said flashing a pearly white smile at me. “My bad” i simply retorted giving him a faint smile while turning to walk away. I heard him mumble a “DAMN”, but i just let out a little chuckle as i kept walking away.
Don’t get me wrong he was cute, But he wasn’t completely my type not to mention Jey was the one holding my attention right now. And i am not trying to jump from man to man around here, especially because this is my job.
Gotta keep it somewhat professional.
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Catch Up!
Disclaimer
tag list:
@prettypink-princesss @isabella-2025
@sheaabuttaababyy @uceyliyahh @mindairy @yana3sworld @christinabae
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hurtspideyparker · 18 hours ago
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ur so right bestie, doing the good work 🙏
mirrorball for Tony Stark means you actually understand his character yesss. Like he acts arrogant because he's the most insecure man in Marvel! He secretly tries so hard to be liked and it never works so he just hides bc he'd rather they hate someone he isn't than someone he is. All he does is TRY TRY TRY. The fact that his death was not only foreshadowed from the first Avengers movie but constantly alluded to. How the worst part about the vision Wanda gave him in AOU wasn't that his friends died, it was that he didn't die with them? He's never enough, my pookie 😭
right where you left me for Strange. I'm not a huge Strange fan but now you got me feeling sad, it's such a perfect song choice. Like damn maybe I do feel bad about him and Christine 😞. Plus the fact that his whole life stopped when he lost control of his hands, meanwhile everyone else's kept going. Everything he cared about was tied to being a surgeon
HOW DARE U! The Prophecy is so near and dear to me I can't believe you'd place this burden on Clinton. He really just could not have it all no matter what. He tried to change his fate but his grip was too weak. "no sign of soulmates" AND NAT IS THE SOUL STONE. thanks now I'll cry everytime I hear that line ✌️
I see what you've done for Bucky Barnes. I see it, and it's too perfect. "Fighting in only your army" when all he does is go to war to fight beside a man who leaves him. "Always rising from the ashes" the way he LITERALLY falls as well as metaphorically before being forced to rise again and again. My man needs to rest. They are constantly torn apart and pulled back together, Bucky is barely a full person anymore.
Natasha as Peace spending her existence fighting for her life, and then trying to scrub herself clean of all the life she took. She joins all these great honourable heroes to try to live up to something good for a change but all she sees in herself is her past. Feeling like she's tainting them by associating with them. Feeling as if she's never done enough good to make up for it. I could never give you peace—to Clint, to her family, to the world that believes in her. She'll die trying, burn out her flame to keep you warm. "Your integrity makes me seem small, you paint dreamscapes on the walls" Steve and Tony. The believer and the futurist. "All these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret" and she did. she loved Clint so much, he gave her the peace she wasn't able to return until the end
loml for Peter Parker is easy pickings I won't even entertain this. In every universe man. EVERY UNIVERSE Peter Parker loses Gwen Stacy. He knew he wasn't supposed to go near her, and yet 😞
Long Live for my precious baby boy 😭💖 I fear I've never thought of this and now I'm jealous of ur brain. I really needed this. He is the golden boy and so many people were rooting for him. Tony, May, MJ, Ned, Happy... the way he used to be filled with such light and eagerness. He glows in my eyes
My girl Yelena deserves this song so bad. Would've Could've Should've is one of the most scathing and despairing songs a girl could relate to. And obviously it fits Dreykov, that freak, but also Alexei. The way he handed that 6 year old over when all she knew was safety and love under him. They took everything from her and now all she can think about are the years without free will forever haunting her because grown men thought she made a good commodity
I've never thought of a song for Pepper but Cornelia Street is a beautiful selection. Tony was such a rocky choice for her but it was the right choice, and she never knew when it would be his last time putting on that suit. The city screams his name, her work her life her daughter her everything. It was all his once too.
Loki How Did It End is so not cool. He wasn't supposed to have an end, and yet here he is. Genuinely gone this time. "A touch that was my birthright became foreign" that hurts so much knowing that his entire life seemed to be a lie to him. He would never get the throne, or their love, or out of Thor's shadow because it was never his to be in the first place. How did he get here, willing to die for Thor? To not have a way out this time? Come one come all is happening again. But he still doesn't know how it was really the end this time.
My tears ricochet is really just the icing on the cake huh. "We gather stones... you know I didn't want to have to haunt you" when they pair that with the time travel scenes and then Natasha's. Gutted. "I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want just not home" and the home is 2012-2015 domestic Avengers 😭😭😭 noooo. The way so many relationships were broken and they all had to come together in the end because the trust never fully went away.
Here's some of my personal Taylor Swift marvel comparisons:
Fresh Out The Slammer as a Bucky anthem. "Bitter, he was with her in dreams" Endgame Steve when I catch you 😠👊 "I'm the girl of his American dreams" Steve the American icon and his great sidekick Bucky! "where we used to sit on children's swings" nuff said... "but it's gonna be alright, I did my time". Bucky's been a prisoner for decades. Now that he's free he can finally live a normal life with Steve right? right???
Tolerate it as Homecoming Peter Parker (irondad). Peter as NWH Peter Parker (lol). But it's sooo Spideychelle coded "said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me"
My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys as Steve Rogers. EVERYONE HE LOVES HE HURTS. Bucky Tony Natasha Peggy. All his closest friends and/or lovers. He stays till they get all smashed up then picks up the next shiny thing (I love Steve but it's true)
For a little fun and whimsy: I Did Something Bad for Loki. Plus "they're burning all the witches even if you aren't one" how he's always teased and blamed growing up. Then growing to embrace the mischief and deciding to truly be at the center of all the problems, even when they weren't his to begin with. "They say I did something bad but why's it feel so good ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ mortals 🙄"
Thor as Castles Crumbling. Everyone believed he was the next great king, including, most importantly, himself. Then seeing him slowly abandoning Asgard for Earth, then losing it to Hela, and finally having Thanos tear it to pieces. He completely gave up being king and passed it off to Valkyrie. "They used to cheer when they saw my face now I fear I have fallen from grace" "I will just let you down you don't wanna know me now" "I held that grudge til' it tore me apart" "my foes and friends watch my rein end" still mad about how they made Thor's depression and weight gain into a comedy bit.
Wanda as mad woman. Girl is literally the witch on the stake every movie 😭 first the Stark bomb drives her mad, Ultron torments her, then it's the media terrified of her because she couldn't control the bomb someone else set off, the loss of Vision due to Thanos, the entire Westview incident and her children... she does bad things but every single time it's because she was hurt so deeply first. she's just crashing out !!! "what a shame she went mad, you made her like that"
marvel characters as taylor swift songs but i take no critiques
tony stark:
stephen strange:
clint barton:
bucky barnes:
natasha romanoff:
peter parker (andrew)
peter parker (tom)
yelena belova:
pepper potts:
loki:
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mswyrr · 2 years ago
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more on michelin stars
I genuinely think it's going to be an important plot point in s3 re: why exactly Sydney wants a star and why *one* specifically. I went and researched and discovered something I used in my fic, which is that one Michelin star restaurants are excellent cuisine that normal people can still afford. And that connected, for me, to what Sydney had told Marcus about how going out was so special when she was a kid and she wanted to share that kind of amazing thing with people:
We didn't really like eat out a lot growing up, so when we did, it felt special even if it wasn't.... I wanna cook for people and make them happy and give them the best bacon on Earth (1x08)
I'm so hopeful/convinced that the research they have with, like, Matty (the chef who plays Fak) right there on set, means the writers know that about what one star places can be like. And that it's meant to be part of this - more humane vision of excellence for Sydney, where their spot is AMAZING, but it's not a cruel kitchen culture, it's not only for the rich.
For her, it’s *part* of her vision, where she says: 
“I think this place could be so different from all the other places we've been at. But, in order for that to be true, we need to run things different.“ (1x03)
But Carmy sees a star and all it means (all he’s ever known it to mean) as a repudiation of that kind of humanity. You say the word "star" and immediately Carmy goes "fuck stars" (2x01) as pure self-defense - because stars are just pain and suffering to him. They're NYC chef and everything that mess became.
He's so traumatized by the whole thing he doesn't think to ask the right questions: why do you want one? What is your vision for it? Why do you specifically want *one* instead of two or three? What timeline do you have in mind for getting there and how can we strategize on this together?
Instead, because he wants so desperately to please her, despite that instinctive, self-defensive "fuck stars" he relents and asks - okay, are you sure? Are you positive this is what you want? Really?? It's terrible. It's just dread and fear and throwing up every day before work. You really want me to give you this?
(I’ll give you anything you want)
He never asks the right questions. Just assuming the level of pain which is his only experience of this is what the thing IS--playing into that theme about how people only know what they're taught, only know what they are given, and if we are given pain and patterns of it it is so hard to even imagine things can be different and, when you can imagine it, still so hard to actually get there.
(It’s not a coincidence that the ASL sign is one of the few positive, healthy examples of kitchen culture Carmy witnessed - we only know what we’re taught, and it can be hard work to even figure out what “not shitty” IS let alone doing it)
So he's assuming all of that and it's like - if she's his CDC, does she want him to push her as hard as he was pushed? Push himself that hard again? He doesn't want to do either of those things. But that's all he knows. And she keeps saying this is what she wants. And he wants to give her everything she wants.
(In the same conversation she kept saying yes, this is what I want, she expressed admiration for the designer chef outfit he later buys her as a gift - he wants to give her everything she wants, even when it seems like a terrible idea he’s torn about)
I think this misunderstanding is intentional and it’s going to come out in S3. A one star restaurant fits so perfectly with what we know of Sydney’s goals and love for her work! And Carmy not able to even conceive of something better because of the patterns he’s stuck in and finding his way to her vision makes sense for him.
I think Carmy figuring out how this work can be joyful and humane is going to be a huge part of S3. Sydney not becoming lost in the high stress environment, not following in younger!Carmy's footsteps living a life of pure drive and dread, and Carmy finding that for the first time.
I do think that, given where they both end in 2x10, there’s going to be a period of conflict and a real bunch of issues for both of them - but with themes and ideas like this seeded into the story there’s so many ways to make s3 start out in a bad way and then really end in joy in a beautiful way?
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firefly-suite · 17 days ago
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hi and welcome to tdp callbacks that would actually send me
"if i am the king then you have to let me go"
"i'm corvus, i was specifically requested"
"i don't believe in locks"
"haha nice one callum, he deserves it"
"lady justice came to me in a dream"
"don't get yourself killed."
"strength isn't always about weapons"
"shhh, nobody likes a noisy mage"
"tell me she wasn't your world"
"you're just like your grandmother"
"she’s not my friend, she is my prisoner"
"rickety snickers"
"wasn’t the horse~"
"i am a storm dragon. i certainly hope it's working."
"in the name of love, you may perform acts so unforgivable… you will never forgive yourself."
"we could travel the countryside and try the seven cakes of xadia!"
"i am prepared to do anything to protect the king. anything. i hope you will understand"
"i guess it wouldn't be the first time i accidentally on purpose ruined a super rare magical artifact."
"don't do this. i will kill you" "probably"
"anyone know any adventuring songs?"
"we can find more practical uses for this one"
"well, i think about it like this, why see myself as chained down, when i can be chained up?" "i admire your tenacity"
"just the three of us"
"watch, he'll come back reciting an epic poem about his adventuring. he's probably late because he's stuck thinking of a rhyme for 'legendary heroics.'"
"the world just isn't ready for what we have. "
"i have been doing research!" "yes, i can see that"
"i do not understand girls"
"i thought you disapproved" "i disagree. but i stand by you anyway"
"you know what? in a few years, when you’re older, buddy, we’ll sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk about sandwiches."
"i would rather die a king, than live as a coward."
"edge-frazzled"
"soren is a doof but he's my doof!"
"it doesn't matter what happens to me. live or die, this dragon goes home."
"the kingdom of duren has been suffering from a terrible famine for nearly seven years. "
"you big dumb human."
"even if you were wearing the rarest legendary armor, forged by sunfire elves... super dead."
"fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. fool me three times, back to you again." "that's not how it goes." "shame on you."
#“i thought you disapproved” “i disagree. but i stand by you anyway” is SO rayllum coded like the harrai parallels are PARALLELING#and the 'you keep calling it a monster' parallel between rayla and sarai#there's probably more that i've missed but also add more!!!#something about duren's famine for seven years and aaravos returning in seven years i dunno but theres something there#hear me out#“if i am the king then you have to let me go”#but ezran says it to runaan#the vision?#lacking a little but still!-#still waiting for the sandwiches conversation between ez and callum PLEASE#if we don't have callum try and promise rayla that they'll be fine and can “travel the countryside and try the seven cakes of xadia”#paralleling viren#i will riot#rayla and her self sacrificing BUT it comes back because of her nature and 'rayla is a hero' not because of the moonshadow culture#ezran lady justice truthers RISE#please i want the LORE#i keep making up my own this isn't good i'll get too attached and then canon will just muck it up#'strength isn't always about weapons' says ezran as he hoists a nuke onto his shoulder 'but it is right now'#my personal headcanon is that he uses a staff to fight - a like his mum and b because it's not a sword and like#he forged the crown SPECIFICALLY so it wasn't a sword#tdp musical episode when#like they could go full subspace rhapsody (from star trek strange new worlds)#OR like in she ra where they randomly had like a sea shanty battle?? and scorpia singing i'm a spy#in the same way they've had rayla singing the lullaby and the dark eyed sailor shanty with finnegrin#someone stop me spamming the tags#oh wait theyre my tags#nevermind :)))#the dragon prince#giveusthesaga#continuethesaga
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cak31ssuperi04 · 1 year ago
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fun fact: Them
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dcviated · 16 hours ago
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Had it not been for the words and considerations that followed, Zach very well might have bit back at her Dodongo remark. Descended into the usual bickering he was known for. Deflective. Defensive. Confrontational. But- it would seem- softness beget softness. Vulnerable as he felt after saying the small piece he did- prickly to boot- the retaliatory snark would get to stay in his pocket. There were things he felt like saying, and so too did she. One of the bottled thoughts from before rises to the surface. Freed from usually restrained lips.
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"So... huh. So he freaks you out too? Well, how about that. And I just thought they were like that to me because of... me, I guess." Eyes turn upward, briefly distracting themselves with a colored banner that was strung between two eaves. Did he really want to get into the hows and whys? "I don't know why they're all such assholes. But if you see something in them too, then I believe you- just means I'm more right. You haven't seen the worst of it, back at the barracks. When they- but... yeah."
Zach trails off. Zelda wasn't exactly subtle with her distaste for the topic. What with the errant wandering of her tone pushing into her next words, which- certainly take Zach by surprise. He stops in his tracks as it all registers properly in his ears.
"You want to choose me?" The notion feels ridiculous, the sort of development that others may dream of but it was the last thing on his mind. Maybe he really was slow? Should he have seen this coming? Or did he just not recognize how much he was trusted by the Princess? "You have to kick me to do stuff like this, and that's... the kind of knight you want? I... really don't get it. But. You are weird. But I also keep going along with it, so. Pft."
The sudden lapse of levity feels good. It loosens the sudden restraint he had felt in his chest not to mention the bashfulness of what that sentence and request entailed.
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"You..." There's more there that she isn't saying. In her eyes. In her words. If Zach squints his eyes maybe he'd even start to see it too. How the world was swirling around this girl like a dark cloud. Distrustful of the knights. Visions. And now the King? He'd heard through word of mouth about the banquet. "I trust you, Zelda..." The confession slips out so carelessly that even Zach looks surprised to have said it. And the loud ringing of the bell interrupts whatever chance he has to cover it up.
The true funny thing, is the sentimental mood has Zach more willing to go along with things than ever. Scam is entirely unnecessary. He just needed to get onto another topic, this is a welcome venue.
"Ahhh, yeah! Mm. Sure. That's not too far- this way, right?" As if he doesn't know, having been there multiple times himself for one assignment or another. Katelynn often wanted to visit as well. Zach's efforts are redoubled, and it's his turn to be all too eager to have the subject changed. Not that the thoughts had left his mind. Looming over his future just like the spire of the temple with its long shadow cast like the hand of a clock over the gardens. Ticking slowly with the arc of the falling sun.
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"Wha?! Hey! Let go of me! It's not my fault your slower than slower than a Dodongo!" She grumbled. Although, he did have a point about it getting later. Still, that didn't mean he could grab her so carelessly! It gave her a fright! However, he seems to fall in line next to her once he's satisfied that she won't run back, and for a moment Zelda could swear he's being soft on her and not all bristly like he usually is.
She should treat him gently. It was a rare treat to hear Zachary not blustering over something dumb like he had something to prove.
"Well, I try not to waste your time on frivolous pursuits too much? And you were right in that it seemed like a waste to head back after being half way there," Zelda responded as gently as she could trying to resist the urge to tease him for this sudden bout of softness. Maybe she should return it in kind, "You're the only one I can ask for stuff like this. Impa won't take me, and none of the other noble children will bother with me anymore. They all think I'm weird after the last incident at the banquet...." Zelda muttered.
She wasn't aware of how aware Zack was of court politics, or how she was viewed, but he didn't really have to be. Zelda's odd behavior was well known. It hadn't taken long for the other children to start calling her a witch after she'd had a vision at the banquet table. It had basically ruined her social life before it had even begun.
"...And I don't want to ask any of the other knights. They'd... do it, but..." A frown tugged at her lips as she thought of Fulk. He wasn't the only one like that.
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"...A lot of the knight's... aren't trustworthy, I think. It's... the way they look at me. It's hard to explain, but it's like I get the sense that I'm.... in danger..." She muttered, trying to explain things to Zack as they walked. However, no one truly believed she had a sixth sense within the castle. They all believed she was just an odd little girl who didn't like strangers, "It's... okay if you don't believe me though. I know it sounds weird."
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"Anyyyyyway...." She wanted to move on from the topic as quickly as possible. Zack thought she was strange, but in a pleasantly annoying way, not... In the way other people thought she was strange, "You just gotta get used to me taking you places! I'll have to choose a personal guard soon, and you're the only one I have in mind! I can trust you! Your eyes aren't evil! If I'm allowed to. Father might end up choosing form me, but I really hope he doesn't. He hasn't really been thinking clearly lately. I'm afraid he'll make a poor decision."
There she went saying strange things again. Eugh, it was hard when no one understood what her powers were like outside of Impa.
They were just gonna get cream puffs and go home? Aw. Already? It felt like the day just flew by.
The distant chime of a bell catches her attention though and an idea hits her like a giant boulder crashing down death mountain! She has an idea to scam convince Zach to let them stay out a little longer!
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"Well, I have one more place I'd like to stop before we get food, if you don't mind? I haven't been to the Temple in ages. I should say my prayers before we get food and head back. Sound good?"
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francesderwent · 6 months ago
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but you should’ve seen him when he first got me…
dive bar on the east side, where you at? phone lights up my nightstand in the black. come here you can meet me in the back —> wait for the signal and I’ll meet you after dark, show me the places that the others gave you scars
I’m perfectly fine, I live on my own, I made up my mind I’m better off being alone. we met a few weeks ago, now you try on calling me ‘baby’ like trying on clothes —> oh, I’m falling in love, I thought the plane was going down. how’d you turn it right around?
I got a boyfriend, he’s older than us, he’s in the club doing I don’t know what. you’re so cool, it makes me hate you so much. whiskey on ice, sunset and vine, you’ve ruined my life by not being mine —> maybe I’ll see you out some weekend depending on what kind of mood and situationship I’m in and what’s in my system. I think there’s been a glitch.
our secret moments in a crowded room, they got no idea about me and you —> romance is not dead if you keep it just yours
and I snuck in through the garden gate every night that summer just to seal my fate —> head on the pillow, I could feel you sneaking in, as if you were a mythical thing, like you were a trophy or a champion ring and there was one prize I'd cheat to win
I scream, “for whatever it’s worth, I love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?” he looks up grinning like the devil —> the first night that you saw me, nothing was gonna stop me, I laid the groundwork and then saw a wide smirk on your face: you knew the entire time! you knew that I’m a mastermind, and now you’re mine. yeah, all you did was smile.
back when we were card sharks playing games, I thought you were leading me on. I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street before you even knew I was gone. then you called, showed your hand, turned around before I hit the tunnel —> got a sense I’d been betrayed, your finger on my hairpin trigger. soldier down on that icy ground looked up at me with honor and truth, broken and blue, so I called off the troops. that was the night I nearly lost you
and he’s passing by rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky —> one night a few moons ago I saw flecks of what could have been lights but it might just have been you passing by unbeknownst to me
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avirxy · 1 year ago
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beauty and beast au but Claire’s the one cursed because she’s the only one I can see literally pissing a sorceress off enough to get cursed. (If we’re going off the original movie Jim would probably offer them a hot meal and a room for the night, knowing him he’d make everything super accommodating)
#are we seeing the vision or have I lost my mind#Jim would literally drop everything to help this literal hag who waltzed through the door#Claire would..not be doing that#bonus points if the witch is Morgana then they’re throwing hands#I could see her trying to offer a deal like say she’s after Claire’s magic and sevitude or something and when she refuses boom Morgana#curses her and everyone else that’s in the ballroom at the time#And because it’s Morgana she’d probably make the curse super difficult to break#so like by the time she’s 18 if she doesn’t agree to serve Morgana when the last petal on the rose falls she dies with the rose#so Claire’s kinda given up on hope cuz she’d rather die than give Morgana her magic#Barbara’s a traveling doctor so her and Strickler set off to another town for a trip and get caught in the snow storm#and they get locked up for entering the castle and trespassing#Jim goes after them because they don’t come back the day after#instead of Claire keeping them there though I think she’d just give all three the chance to leave with some pressing from her friends#Jim ends up rethinking his decision due to the fact that Toby even as a cursed object can’t for the life of him keep a secret#when he hears the castle is under a curse he’s immediately interested in helping#even if Claire really just wants this nosy human boy and his parents to be on their way#oh shit I think I just wrote another au#trollhunters#tales of arcadia#jim lake jr#claire nuñez#toa#jlaire#this was just chillin in my drafts for awhile#avi rambles
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itspileofgoodthings · 1 year ago
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ended up telling my mom “she’s a billionaire pop star … she’s also a songwriter I’ve loved for a long time. both of those things are true.”
#not a conversation I can have for a long time as it’s too uncomfortable#but it was good to push through and say it#it’s interesting. I will always have a deep emotional connection to Taylor and also always love her as a person and an artist#and she IS a billionaire pop star with all of the attendant choices that go with that#and as i’ve gotten older there’s just been way more distance#in terms of my need to defend her choices or agree with them or even understand them#I have grown less defensive of her (in a good way)#and I think am more able to just See What Is To Be Seen#without. again. feeling the need to take it all on as something I have to defend on behalf of someone I am Holding Up as an Example#I’m not holding her up? like.#idk if this makes sense#But I remember reaching this point where I was just like ‘gosh I hope she never writes a song that contradicts any of the songs’#‘upon which I have built this artistic vision’#‘of her and what she stands for’#and it was so funny because it was this TERRIFIED desire on my part to freeze time#and freeze Taylor#so that my reading would be true forever#just wanted to put her in a cottage on the top of a hill and keep her safe there forever#metaphorically but also literally!#and then I’ve just had to let that go#best believe she’s still bejeweled lol#that was for me TOO#and anyway her sheer prolificness made it clear I was never going to be able to keep this watchful eye on it all#it was just going to have to pour in and I was going to have to let it#and also on some level emotionally personally I was going to have to step back#and be less invested in a certain way#in a very real daily life kind of way#anyway after the eras tour was so funny because i had this strong sense that we were being SWEPT out of the stadium#with Taylor’s trademark Efficiency. and it was hilarious. Like yes yes the love and connection and talent is real#and Billionaire Pop Star has places to be and a crowd of peasants to manage!!! (I say this with love and a sense of humor) anyway
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pulchrasilva · 6 months ago
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Nobody fucking talk to me i just finished rewatching arcane and it was DEVASTATING I need to KILL
#i have some thoughts marinating about silco and loyalty especially in the last episode#and his relationship with jinx and sevika and vander and ough#its marinating its marinating#but like. vander's philosophy is loyalty above all else and the lanes reflect that when hes in charge#silco's philosophy is that every one betrays him/jinx and that's why he can fight piltover#unlike vander he doesnt care about the casualties or the suffering he causes because hes all alone. he cant trust anyone#but then last episode vander makes TWO choices that put loyalty above all else#the whole show we see silco's power crumbling. the chembarons are riled up marcus dies so he has no pawns in piltover etc#but he makes the decision to trust sevika's loyalty (even says 'i still believe in loyalty')#and bc of that she eradicates a threat for him. she kills finn and picks up his lighter (symbolising power) and gives it to silco#and THEN he chooses not to give jinx up not even to achieve an independent zaun#(granted we dont see it come to fruition)#but in making that choice he assures jinx's loyalty to him even after his death#silco was willing to give up everything hed worked for for jinx and so jinx gave up the chance of reconciliation with vi to achieve their#mutual goal#like. silco had made plans for peace and in setting off the rocket jinx destroyed that possibility#but silco was never gonna go for thag deal anyway AND silco was dead#like jayce said you cant make a deal with a snake and cut off its head#the deal was never gonna work. instead she returned to their original plan of building and using a weapon against piltover#which is the plan silco would have returned to if hed been alive given he wasnt gonna follow through on the deal for peace#so yeah. silcos undercity is built on power rather than loyalty but his control is fracturinf the whole time#its ultimately loyalty which keeps him in power and achieves his goals#ALSO the line 'is there anything so undoing as a daughter' is interesting here#because vander gave up his idealogy of pacifism to protect those he cares about in order to save vi#he gives into violence once again because its the only way to save her from silcos goons#but silco gives into loyalty and turns his back on his vision of a free zaun because of jinx#idkidk its all fun and muddled and hmmm#arcane
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